


Lucio's Wish

by MercurialComet



Series: 2017 Post-Something Advent [3]
Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: A Huge Use of the Word Bitch, Crack, F/M, Like, Please Don't Flame Me too Hard for this, This is before Lucio gets the red plague, also, happy royal couple, repititive usage, this is a joke fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-02-09 13:48:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12889215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercurialComet/pseuds/MercurialComet
Summary: Lucio only has one true wish...





	Lucio's Wish

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, this entire thing is based off of Tre Melvin's I Wish A Bitch Would. So if you like this, go check out that video, because Tre is funny as fuck.
> 
> Also, this is before Lucio gets the red plague.

Nadia stormed into her and her husband’s chambers, trying to find the count and warn him of the threat she had just overheard. She caught him at his desk, looking over a few decrees, not ready to sign them yet, but pondering.

 

“Lucio,” She stated with an air of fake casualness that the two were very much used to. “I must speak to you about Valerius.”

 

Lucio sighed, leaning back in his chair. “What is it now?”

 

“Remember how he tried to hit you during the last council meeting?” Lucio raised an eyebrow.

 

“Valerius? Hit me?” He stood up, displaying his war-built physique. “Sweetie. Valerius can’t even hit a note. Have you heard the man sing?”

 

The two started giggling, recalling the time Valerius attempted to serenade the court.

 

“Alright, that’s true, the man’s voice does sound like the finest peanut brittle.” Nadia conceded, Lucio bursting into a raucous laughter at hearing her words. “But Lucio, you didn’t hear this from me, but apparently Valerius overheard that you stole his wine and so he and his men plan to ambush you on your daily walk around the gardens.”

 

Lucio sobered up almost instantly, turning his head towards her with a look of apathy on his face. She tilted her head to the side in a questioning manner, her expressions serenely and quietly begging Lucio to start talking. They didn’t break eye contact.

 

“I wish,” Lucio began, drawing himself up to his full regal height. “ A bitch would.” He turned towards the window, looking out at the many gardens and the fountain. “I wish two bitches would.” He looked back at his wife, who had a look of slight amusement on her face. “I wish three and a half bitches-” he made sure that the sunlight gave him a good background, “-would. As a matter of fact,” he added, “I wish a plethora of bitches would.”

 

“Darling,” the count continued, reaching for Nadia’s hand. “Whenever I see a falling star, I wish a bitch would. Whenever I pass a leprechaun on the streets, I pull him aside and I wish that a bitch would.” 

 

She had seen him do this, but had never heard the wish.

 

“If a genie were to grant me three wishes, do you know what I would wish for?”

 

“No dear. What would you wish for?” Nadia smirked.

 

“One: A, Two: Bitch, Three: Would.” Lucio stated, counting out the wishes on his fingers as he lead them out of the chambers and into the hall. “You see my dear, I was born and raised in Wish A Bitch Woods.”

 

“Is that in Vesuvia?”

 

“No, I do believe it’s closer to Prakra.”

 

“Ah yes, now I remember! Those woods were close to my home.”

 

“Oh! Well, that’s lovely!” 

 

The two paused, looked at each other, and started giggling again. When they finished Lucio continued his rant.

 

“Every night at the most auspicious time, I cross my fingers,” he did so now too, “and wish that a bitch would. I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to fly with dragons, and that a bitch would. Nadia,” he paused, looking at their hands grasped together. “I founded the make a wish a bitch would foundation.” 

 

Nadia started giggling again. :"What does that even mean?" Lucio shrugged his shoulders and continued o. 

 

“Before blowing out the candles in my birthday cake every single year do you know what I wished for?” She shook her head. “That a bitch would.” 

Lucio then took a breath before he started singing, “If I had one wish-” he suddenly stopped and spoke with a monotone voice, “it would be that a bitch would. Every morning on my daily walk, I toss a coin in the fountain in hopes that someday, a bitch would.”

 

They had reached the balcony at this point, the two of them leaning on the railing. “The court would probably call it wishful thinking, but I call it wishful that a bitch would. My grandmother would always have me make a shopping wish list every year, and do you know what I would wish for every year? That a bitch would. My mother, every Christmas, bless her heart, would ask me, ‘What do you wish for this year?’. ‘That a bitch would.’ I replied every. single. time.”

 

The couple happily turned to face each other, content with their surroundings.

 

“Nadia. I do not wish Valerius well. I do not wish him the best. I wish-”

 

“That a bitch would.”

 

He smiled and pecked her on the cheek. “That’s right.”

**Author's Note:**

> Just repeating myself and saying that the idea behind this was from Tre Melvin. The video is call I Wish A Bitch Would.


End file.
